When I can't sleep and I am tired of browsing Facebook and playing games, I talk to God. I don't necessarily pray, but I thank Him for everything He has done for me and I let Him know I am still here and in very dire need of His presence in my life. It gives me a weird sense of peace in my chest and heart to have Him listening to me. Sometimes I tell Him about my day or I will ask Him to remind me to do something the next day. Sometimes I'll cry. I reminisce a lot about the past and things I miss. No one knows my memories like He does.
It's hard for me to put my finger on the exact moment when I accepted God as my savior. I don't have quite the testimony as most people do. I just know that He's my guy and I'm his gal. I'm going to go see Him at the end of times and we are going to have one hell of a homecoming. My friends and family will be there, He will have my dogs and other pets - but let's face it, mainly the dogs - so many dogs. I can't wait.
As a caregiver, it may be hard for you to understand but I am afraid of dying. I am afraid that I will be aware of the moment I die. I am afraid it will hurt or I will be scared. I am not afraid of what will happen afterwards. I just don't want to be in pain. I am not afraid of who I will see when I get to the other side, I am just scared of the short lull of time between here and there - if it exists. My friend C is a social worker and I've talked to her openly about it. She lost her mom at a young age due to Alzheimer's Disease and she lost her brother due to an accident. She has been involved in Hospice social work so I feel comfortable talking to her about my concerns. She has tried her best to encourage me that adrenaline will conquer my fears if I am in an accident when I die, and some other fight or flight responses would kick in too. The fear of dying doesn't consume me but it is something I am afraid of and think of frequently. There was no event that exacerbated this fear of mine, but it's there.
It's hard for me to on one hand consider myself a strong Christian and be afraid of death. I have to consider that I didn't lose a close family member until I was well up into my 20's. I am also a nurse so I know the scientific background and physiology components that go along with death and dying. Perhaps part of the fear of dying is that I am afraid there isn't anything else once you die? What if once we die there is nothing else and we never see our family again? I have thought that more than once. Something to ponder...
For tonight, hold your doggies tight. And talk to God. He will help you rest well. You don't have to pray. He's not that fancy of a guy.
It's hard for me to put my finger on the exact moment when I accepted God as my savior. I don't have quite the testimony as most people do. I just know that He's my guy and I'm his gal. I'm going to go see Him at the end of times and we are going to have one hell of a homecoming. My friends and family will be there, He will have my dogs and other pets - but let's face it, mainly the dogs - so many dogs. I can't wait.
As a caregiver, it may be hard for you to understand but I am afraid of dying. I am afraid that I will be aware of the moment I die. I am afraid it will hurt or I will be scared. I am not afraid of what will happen afterwards. I just don't want to be in pain. I am not afraid of who I will see when I get to the other side, I am just scared of the short lull of time between here and there - if it exists. My friend C is a social worker and I've talked to her openly about it. She lost her mom at a young age due to Alzheimer's Disease and she lost her brother due to an accident. She has been involved in Hospice social work so I feel comfortable talking to her about my concerns. She has tried her best to encourage me that adrenaline will conquer my fears if I am in an accident when I die, and some other fight or flight responses would kick in too. The fear of dying doesn't consume me but it is something I am afraid of and think of frequently. There was no event that exacerbated this fear of mine, but it's there.
It's hard for me to on one hand consider myself a strong Christian and be afraid of death. I have to consider that I didn't lose a close family member until I was well up into my 20's. I am also a nurse so I know the scientific background and physiology components that go along with death and dying. Perhaps part of the fear of dying is that I am afraid there isn't anything else once you die? What if once we die there is nothing else and we never see our family again? I have thought that more than once. Something to ponder...
For tonight, hold your doggies tight. And talk to God. He will help you rest well. You don't have to pray. He's not that fancy of a guy.
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